i will grow you & feed you there.: identity

what defines us? how is our identity sculpted? what makes us who we are? our name, our nationality, our race, our gender, our family, where we live, where we're from, what we do for a living, our achievements, what we do when no one's looking, what we like, what we don't like, our memories, our past, our future, our friends, our spouse/significant other, our co-workers, the face looking back at us in the mirror, our fingerprints, our expectations for ourselves, others' expectations for us?

being in a new place requires you to meet a lot of people. i meet someone new almost everyday! lots of shaking of hands, sometimes a hug, & every so often, they don't understand my name because of the my accent (i then proceed to spell it & they get it, well...most of the time)! there's a lot of first impressions. lots of initial encounters.

we "look/search" for ourselves, we try to "find" ourselves, we size up one another, we get to know one another, we discover each others' identities. we're obsessed with "selfies" & revealing our "identity" to everyone who clicks on our profile. but what is our identity stripped down to its bones? who are we at the core of our being? what makes us that way?

i've found myself questioning my identity a lot. i question why i am the way i am. for i am not who i was & have yet to discover who i will become. but what makes me the "me" of today? i've found that the people i'm around have a lot to do with who i am. not in a way that is fake or misleading but in a way that i'm overly sensitive to who is around me (this affects me & those i encounter). my confidence soars through the roof if i have a dear friend nearby. i'm more of myself when i feel at ease or free to be me. i am more myself if i know someone else's identity. if i can relate to the person i speaking with then i feel more "at home" & i guess this is at the core of our humanity. we want to be accepted, loved, & feel a part of something.

so if you know me super well, you'll know i'm not the most patriotic person, hence my living the life of an "ex-pat"! but living in a country that's not your own you're faced with your nationality often. there are countless discussions i've had with people where the US or americans come up. truthfully, it's usually negative but overall people here love americans & are accepting. but the fact i'm american will never leave me. it's where i was born, it's where i can vote, it's where my (most of) family lives, it's where my accent comes from, it's the country on my passport. it has shaped my values, my assumptions, my expectations, my mindset, my worldview, etc. i can't escape it. it's part of me. it's a part i didn't choose much like a lot of other aspects of my identity.

if there are parts of our identity that we can't control, change, or manipulate, then what's at the core of it? what's the basic substance of our identity? truthfully, i don't know, i don't have an answer to that question. i guess, right now, i feel like my core identity is a "child of God". from this seemingly simple aspect of my identity comes a lot of who i am, how i think, what i believe, how i treat others, etc.

what the bible says about identity:

genesis 1:27, "so God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male & female He created them." we are made in the image of our Creator God. there's huge significance to this in terms of our role in this world, how we treat our bodies, how we treat others', etc.
isaiah 43:1, but now thus says the Lord, He who created you, o jacob, He who formed you, o israel: "fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine. we are His. we are God's. He calls us by name & knows us better than we will ever know ourselves for He created us.
john 15:15, no longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. we are Jesus' friends, we are partakers in what He does, & He is close to us.
ephesians 4:22-24, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life & is corrupt through deceitful desires, & to be renewed in the spirit of your minds & to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness & holiness. old self vs. new self. we are renewed! how amazing is that! we are renewed from our old selves that are full of greed, pride, guilt, shame, & sin! we must put on our new self!
1 peter 2:9, "but you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. we are chosen. we are wanted by God. we are also called out of something into something else, something better.
1 john 3:1-3, see what kind of love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; & so we are. the reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. beloved, we are God's children now, & what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is. & everyone who thus hopes in Him purifies himself as He is pure. holy cow, this passage is packed full of significant info on identity. the fact that we shall be like Jesus when He comes, that we are children of God, & it all has to do with God's love!

while thinking about identity, i found some great quotes!

“man is not who he thinks he is; he is what he hides.” andre malraux
“who is it that can tell me who i am?” william shakespeare
"if you asked me now who i am, the only answer i could give with any certainty would be my name. for the rest: my loves, my hates, down even to deepest desires, i can no longer say whether these emotions are my own, or stolen from those i once so desperately wished to be." evelyn waugh
"i am the combined effort of everyone i've ever known." chuck palahniuk
"can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?" danielle laporte
"i am not what i think i am, and i am not what you think i am. i am what i think you think i am." robert bierstedt
"it is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one's self through the eyes of others, of measuring one's soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt & pity. one every feels his two-ness--an american, a negro; two souls, two thoughts, two reconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder." w.e.b. dubois
"be a bush if you can't be a tree. if you can't be a highway, just be a trail. if you can't be a sun, be a star. for it isn't by size that you win or fail. be the best of whatever you are." martin luther king, jr.